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Do you remember back to that time when Covid-19 hit our world, and we had to shut everything down? Well of course you remember! It’s a time most of us will never forget. When that time rocked our world, I was certain of only one thing in my life…I knew boredom would soon set in for our family. So I decided, on a whim, that we should become “puzzle people”. And while I hadn’t put a puzzle together in 30 years, I could still envision our happy, little family sitting around our kitchen table, smiling at each other, enjoying each other’s company, and putting together puzzles with an ease that I was certain would come naturally. I mean, come on…it’s just a puzzle. How hard can it really be?
So, I did what any good mom would do. I ordered a 1500-piece puzzle from Amazon and could hardly wait the 2 days for it to arrive so that we could start this new found hobby of ours. I was certain it would be a success! Like I said, how hard could these puzzles really be?
Turns out…they are much harder than I remembered. I truly thought it would be like kindergarten. I really did think it would be pretty obvious where each piece should be placed in order to create that “Perfect Masterpiece” we all strive for when solving a puzzle. But then hours turned into days and days into weeks and that puzzle still sat there on our kitchen table missing many of its pieces that we just couldn’t figure out. Our family’s smiling faces quickly turned into frustration, arguing, and even some embarrassment as we couldn’t get some of those pieces to fit where they belonged. It was maddening to say the least!
So thinking this was going to be a fun and easy adventure for our family during Covid-19 shutdown days, well I was just plain old wrong. I was actually way off! And it was obvious to me in that moment how unbelievably naïve I can be sometimes. So recently when a BYBS blog follower reached out to share her struggles, it hit me very quickly that completing a 1500-piece puzzle was not the only thing I have been naïve about in my life…
Not so easily, this woman shared her story with me…
She was born into this world as a sweet baby girl. Inside today, as a grown woman, she feels that she is 100% a woman. So what makes her unique? Well not only did she marry a woman who is her very best friend in life, but she also chooses to dress like a boy. She likes very short hair, no make-up, hats most of the time, and baggy clothes in those “male” colors that so many of us are accustomed to. These choices are what makes her feel most comfortable in her own body, but there has been one downfall to it all. She gets mistaken for a male…all of the time!
Many of us won’t ever fully understand how these moments make her feel. Most of us just won’t ever really know. So let me share a story in hopes that we can “kind of” know…
She walked into the woman’s restroom at a store one day. It’s a task many of us don’t ever think twice about. But for her, every time, she feels the anxiety set in. It’s like reliving a trauma over and over again. And unfortunately, this particular time was no different. As she entered that restroom, a woman was with two of her children holding them up to blow dry their hands. After seeing my friend walk in, one little girl looked up at her mom with a face of pure fright and exclaimed that they were in the wrong bathroom! As the mom looked up to observe my friend, she chose to quickly rush her girls out of that restroom as fast as she could without saying a word.
In that moment, and in many other moments in her life, this blog follower felt so small and so belittled. She was sad to have scared those little girls off. She was embarrassed that the mom didn’t address it with her. And a tiny part of her hated herself because what makes her feel most comfortable in her skin is also the exact thing that just doesn’t fit in the world we live in today.
Our blog friend just wants what all of us want (no matter who we are). And that is for her life to be happy and for everything to be flawless…a “Perfect Masterpiece” to say the least. It’s all any of us could ever strive for in life. But that puzzle of her life is missing some pieces because she lives in a world where she just doesn’t feel that she “fits”. She doesn’t feel that she matches up to what this world expects or what this world wants. This situation also happens to be just one example of the many things she deals with. She has been called “Sir” and “Mr.” so many times that she doesn’t even correct people anymore. And this too can be so maddening!
It took this woman opening up in order for me to realize that this too was something in life that I have been completely naïve about. It is another situation where I knew it was time for me to learn, grow, and get better. I hope you will choose to do this with me because here is what I realized from her being brave enough to share her story. I realized that in order for her to “fit”, in order for her to create this perfect and flawless masterpiece for her life, she needs those last pieces of that puzzle…
And it’s all of us who actually hold them for her!
Because really, this is not a “her” problem at all…it’s actually an “us” problem. And so how can we help create this world to be a “Perfect Masterpiece” that I believe it was always destined to be? I feel that it all starts with kindness. It’s going to take a whole lot of grace. And there certainly needs to be so much love.
Because you see, it’s not our place to judge. It’s not our place to stare. And it’s certainly not our place to ignore. In order to share these pieces of the puzzle that we hold, we need to accept everyone for who they are (whether we agree or not). We need to explain to our youth how the world is made up of many different types people and that is okay (actually its better than okay!). And we need to be more cognizant about how our words and actions affect those around us, so that we can change and try to do better…for them…for us…and for this world.
Every now and then, as I catch a glimpse of that unfinished puzzle that sits in our back closet since we wrapped up the Covid-19 shutdown, I have come to terms with the fact that it’s something our family won’t ever conquer. But now, I have learned from our BYBS blog friend that there is one puzzle we actually can all be a part of solving when it comes to those struggling with their gender role in our world today. We may not know…we probably won’t ever fully understand, but we can always start with kindness. Because when all else fails to create that “Perfect Masterpiece” in life…kindness is the one thing that never does.
Xoxo
Marsha
*For those of you struggling with something in life or have a topic of interest that you want me to talk about in this blog, email me at BeYourBestSelfBlog@gmail.com. Let’s work together to Be Our Best Selves!
Photo Credit Photo by Tara Winstead: https://www.pexels.com/photo/jigsaw-puzzle-in-close-up-shot-8386126/
You had me laughing about the puzzle but you hit the nail on the head (again!) with the rest of the blog – accepting others as they are is not always easy but it IS important! Thank you for your insightful messages…
Gail – Thank you for your thoughtful message! That puzzle thing was not for the faint of heart in our family! Xoxo Marsha