That’s The Thing About Shoes

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There is one part of parenting that is truly frightening…when your child gets their permit to start driving.  And with my son just turning 14 years old, we are now crossing into this territory. The arguing of the “right way to drive”; the anxiety of hoping they stay safe; the frustration as we try to teach them; the heart dropping close calls when we realize they still don’t have a clue.  These are the things we are dealing with right now as my son navigates his way behind a wheel for the first time.  It’s interesting…to say the least.

So, the other day, as we were leaving a store to head home, of course my son wants to drive.  And while I want him to get the experience, my first instinct is to roll my eyes (when he is not looking, of course) because, let’s face it, it’s grueling to sit in the passenger seat and try to help him figure out this thing called “driving.”  

But I, reluctantly, let him have his way and as he is backing out of the busy parking lot, he pauses as there is a man about to walk behind the car.  At that point, my son and this stranger play that “fun” game of the back-and-forth hand gesturing.  You know what I mean…the stranger gestures as if to say “go ahead” at the exact same time my son is gesturing to say “go ahead”. So then the stranger walks as my son starts to slowly back up again.  Then they both stop, look at each other, and play the game again.  

And, the whole time, I am screaming in my head for somebody to just GO already.  And then, FINALLY, the stranger looks very annoyed & frustrated, rolls his eyes and walks behind the car as my son waits for him to pass.

My son sees this man’s annoyance and says softly for no one to hear, “Geez man, I am just learning to drive.”  At the same time, as my daughter hears him, she says, “Mom, maybe we should just put one of those ‘Student Driver’ stickers on our car.”  My son and I just laugh, thinking “Yeah right…Not happening”.

As we continued on our journey home that day, this whole experience really had me thinking.  I started to reflect upon this man’s irrational hate and anger.  I started to think about how this whole exchange could have ended much better if one simple thing could have been altered.  One tiny change to the equation of life.   

Had the man instead paused for a minute during the back-and-forth hand gesturing, and put himself in my son’s shoes, he would have realized that my son was trying to navigate his first experience with a really busy store parking lot.  He would have realized that my son was doing his best to learn.  The man would have known this…if he had just paused for a moment and imagined putting on my son’s shoes.  

Because that’s the thing about shoes, you don’t know how they feel until you try them on.

But that is the problem in today’s world.  Nobody ever takes the time to put themselves in someone else’s shoes.  No one takes the time to think about what another person could be going through.  We only take the time to think about how it affects us because that, suddenly, is the most important thing.

Think about the last time some “jerk” cut us off in traffic.  Think about the last time the wait staff at a restaurant got busy and didn’t attend to our needs fast enough.  Think about the last time someone was “short” with us or didn’t say the words we needed to hear.  Did we ever just pause and reflect upon what could be happening in their life? Did we ever think about what it is like to walk around in their shoes? Did we choose this path of responding with kindness, love, and patience?  Or did we instead focus only on how it affected our life?  Did we, instead, respond like the stranger in the parking lot?

My guess is we responded like that stranger.  We respond that way because that is what society has been teaching us lately.  It’s been teaching us to move faster, do it quicker, expect better, expect it now, expect it all.  And when these expectations don’t happen, we choose to respond with anger, hate, and frustration. 

Well, I am sick of the hate.  I am sick of the anger.  I am sick of the frustration.  It’s exhausting & draining on my soul.  And so, I have decided, I am making the choice today to not carry it with me anymore.  I am choosing to not be the man in the store parking lot.

If you are with me on this one, then let’s make this change together and let’s make it today.  And it all starts with the shoes.  As we move about our day, when we come across a situation we would usually get angry about, let’s instead pause for a minute.  Let’s pause, in that moment, and instead imagine stepping out of our shoes and putting on the shoes of the one who made us angry.  Let’s try extremely hard to see things from their perspective and try to imagine what they are going through.

If we can do this together…if we can be determined to try on the other shoes regularly … I have no doubt that life will easily improve for those we come into contact with. For example, had the man chosen to do that in the parking lot, I know my son would have been much happier that day behind the wheel.

But here is my favorite part about making this change:  If we chose to regularly try on the other shoes, I have a feeling that it will improve our own lives the most!  I believe our hate will be replaced with love.  I am sure our anger will be traded for kindness.  And well, the frustration, let’s hope it turns into patience.  And for me, that is the kind of life I want to live. That is the kind of character I want to emulate.  And who would have guessed that it all starts by just simply trying on those other shoes. 

So as my son completed this driving journey and safely parked us in our garage that day, I vowed that these next words would define how I would carry my life moving forward.  I looked at my children and shared this perspective of the angry man in the store parking lot:  Maybe he was having a bad day.  Maybe he just got some bad news that upset him.  Maybe he was in a hurry for a special occasion and didn’t want to run late.  Whatever the case, it isn’t our place to get frustrated or angry with him as we didn’t walk in his shoes today.  Because, remember, that’s the thing about shoes, you don’t know how they feel until you try them on.

Xoxo

Marsha

*For those of you struggling with something in life or have a topic of interest that you want me to talk about in this blog, email me at BeYourBestSelfBlog@gmail.com.  Let’s work together to Be Our Best Selves!

Photo Credit: Photo by Ingo Joseph from Pexels