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About a month ago, I had lunch with some friends of mine. This couple, whom I have known for quite a few years, is a breath of fresh air to talk to. There are many reasons why I enjoy our conversations, but here are the top two: First, they have been married for almost 42 years, but when you are around them, it seems like they were just married yesterday. The love they have for each other is so obvious. And they genuinely enjoy spending time with one another even after all these years. But the second reason why I enjoy time with them is because they are full of energy and positivity. Rarely is the glass not half full in their life. They always make a choice each day to choose optimism and hope! It is so refreshing to be around that kind of energy.
As we were enjoying our lunch, they asked how things were going with me. Little did they know that it was the one question I needed them to ask, and so I chose to answer very candidly. I told them that between my career, writing for the BYBS blog, my family and children’s commitments, helping to run the household, and with the holiday season approaching, I was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed to the point that most days felt like a rat race ending in heart palpitations, just to wake up the next day and do it all over again. I felt up to my eyeballs in responsibilities and obligations. It was crushing to say the least, and it seemed the world was running me instead of me running my own life.
But then again, I also felt the need to add this to the end of all of my complaining…
“But here is the thing, it’s all good stuff. I have a thriving career. My family and children are flourishing and doing what they love. The holidays are hard to prep for, but I am so happy I have family to enjoy it with. So I almost feel bad complaining about these things. Yet I am so stressed. I just don’t know.”
I laid it all on the line with them…and their response was an unexpected one but just what I needed to hear.
However, before I share the next part of this story, I just have to ask: Am I alone here? Or do any of you sometimes feel this way too? Does life get so overwhelming and stressful that you almost don’t know what to do next? And when you look ahead, you see no end in sight?
And if you have felt this way, then have these next questions also crossed your mind?
Because as soon as I spoke those words to my friends, I wanted nothing more than to suck them back in. Why should I even complain about these things? Why should I even complain at all? I am a ‘glass half full’ kind of person. What was wrong with me? And what would my friends think of me after that comment?
But in that moment, I was reminded once again why I love having them in my life. And they gave me some of the best advice that I have ever received. I hope you too can benefit from their insight.
They looked at me and also spoke very candidly…
“What you are feeling is ‘successful stress’. That is a good thing! You aren’t experiencing failure stress or worse yet, catastrophic stress. You and your family are doing well and are successful. That is a great thing!”
And they were right, that is a great thing! All of my stresses were “good” stress, and that is something to be thankful for. But then they followed it up with one important nugget of wisdom that will stick with me forever…
They reminded me that even though it is good stress, and even though it is stress I should ultimately be grateful for, it is ok to Take a Time-Out. Take a time-out every now and then and just complain. Let it all out!! Even if it is good stress, let it out and do a little whining. That is part of life, right!?! Not everything is always easy and stress free…even the good stuff.
So if you too are experiencing this, then give yourself the grace to just take a moment to let it all out. Take that time-out that is probably long overdue and just let the complaints flow! It can be so good for the soul.
BUT…and this is a big one… you only get 10 minutes like my friends gave me…then it’s time to take this next step. After that moment, after you let it all out, it’s time to move on and get back in the game. My friends reminded me of this. They reminded me that we all deserve a little time to complain once in a while, but that is as far as we can choose to let it go. We then need to remember the good stuff. Things like being physically able to work and make money, seeing our children live life doing what they love, knowing that the holidays won’t be lonely for us because we have so much family to celebrate with. We need to end our time-out with a note of positivity before we can be ready to jump back into life.
And this advice, it was just the kind of optimism and hope I needed to move forward. To realize that even when life is good, because we all know that life really is oh so good, it’s okay once in a while to complain. To release our stress in a more vocal way and to just get it out of our system.
So as my friends and I finished lunch and said our goodbyes, I noticed that my smile was bigger and life felt somehow lighter. I no longer felt up to my eyeballs in responsibilities and obligations. And while nothing had really changed with all of the commitments looming ahead, there was one thing that did…I was given the opportunity, in a safe place with friends I admire, to take the time-out that I needed right in that moment. And now after a month of feeling my stress weigh me down, I was ready to get back into the game with a renewed kind of energy. And I just have to tell you…it really did feel oh so good.
Xoxo
Marsha
*For those of you struggling with something in life or have a topic of interest that you want me to talk about in this blog, email me at BeYourBestSelfBlog@gmail.com. Let’s work together to Be Our Best Selves!