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Dear Mr. Difficult Decision,
Why did you have to come and visit me? You may think I like your company but let me be candid…I don’t. You really aren’t the best visitor, and you certainly aren’t my friend. I could go the rest of my whole life without ever seeing you again. But yet, you always seem to find your way back to me…and it’s maddening!
Because guess what? — It is not easy dealing with you.
When you pop into my life, you make me question myself and my judgement. I often wonder what the “right” answer really is when we have those visits together. I frequently question what choice I should make, and who it will affect along the way. I can’t even describe to you how difficult those times are for me and how much confidence I tend to lose along the way.
So guess what? — You really aren’t welcome in my life.
Yet as you find your way back, you also have a way of making me feel unsure of what the future will hold. You make me question what path I should take, and which direction is best. So then I catch myself spending all of my time and energy rationalizing every scenario in hopes that I will have a clearer “answer” to your visits. But that answer doesn’t come…
And guess what? — It makes me detest you even more.
Yet you still don’t seem to take the hint, and you continue to stick around long after I want you gone. So then I find myself being anxious and nervous in your company. I tend to think about you all day, and you keep me up most nights. Sometimes, I even feel like I might go crazy from the exhausting thoughts that creep in when you are around.
Because guess what? – You have a way of controlling me, and it’s really not good.
You literally make me question everything and everyone around me. And sometimes it’s so bad that you leave me frozen in time…making the “choice” to just do nothing…which isn’t really a choice at all. You make me feel very lonely and incredibly lost during those times.
So guess what? – It’s no surprise that I just don’t like you.
But today…all of that is changing.
Because I made the choice after your last visit to do something a little different the next time you decide to unexpectedly come around. I decided that since I can’t shake you from my life, I am going to have to find a different way to handle you when you stop on by. And this choice I made today, well, it will affect our relationship going forward. And I don’t think you are going to like that very much.
But guess what? — I don’t care.
So today and moving forward, here is what I am going to do when you pay me a visit. I am going to learn that I can’t, nor will I ever know or be able to analyze every scenario that could play out in the years to come…and that is okay. I am going to understand that making some sort of decision is better than no decision. It’s better than being frozen under your control. I am also going to realize that not every decision I make will always be the right one. But that too is okay because it is how I will learn, grow, and become a better person throughout my life. And most importantly, I will always remember that I can only base my decision on the information I know today because the future will forever be unknown…the “right” answer will never be clear…and that really is okay too.
So Mr. Difficult Decision, I now know and understand that I really shouldn’t detest you. In fact, you can come on by and visit me anytime you want to. It’s fine with me…because I am ready. As of today, you will no longer have control over my life. I am choosing to take it back. And I am certain you aren’t going to like that very much. But guess what? — I really don’t care…well, anymore.
Sincerely,
Xoxo
Marsha
*For those of you struggling with something in life or have a topic of interest that you want me to talk about in this blog, email me at BeYourBestSelfBlog@gmail.com. Let’s work together to Be Our Best Selves!
Photo Credit: Photo by Olya Kobruseva: https://www.pexels.com/photo/question-marks-on-craft-paper-5428830/